Posts archive for: July, 2009
  • Nod Nod Phones It's Good to Nod

    When I was going out this morning I met one of my neighbours I nodded and smiled, she reciprocated. As I was walking along to the bus stop a guy I know from the pub was on the other side of the street I raised my hand and waved, he returned the greeting.

    At the bus stop there was a woman with a baby and a junky looking guy the woman looked at him then to me an shook her head in a look at the state of him sort of way and I shook my napper agreeing in nods.

    When the bus came I nodded to the woman to go on first she smiled and nodded back. I showed my bus pass and the driver nodded I nodded back.
    The junky started gibbering and the guy across from me gave the wanker sign, I nodded.

    I got off the bus and went into the pub. The barmaid held up a pint glass I nodded she noded back and poured the pint I gave her a fiver she smiled as she gave me my change I nodded.

    Then my phone went, hello.....that was it fucked

  • Love Thy neighbour

    You often hear people talking about their neighbors whether they are nosey, noisy or nice.
    ''oh my neighbours are good we never hear them'' surely that doesn't make a good neighbour''.........''oh my shoe is great I never hear it''
    The fact is you should hear a neighbour!

    Does a curtain twitcher make a good or bad neighbour, nosey bastard but that nosy bastard may make a burglar change his mind where as the good quiet neighbour probably wouldn't say or do anything.

    So the question is what makes a good neighbour and do you have any stories about neighbours?

  • Yesterday at The Lappy Doctors

    Yesterday at The Lappy Doctors

    Well things went to plan yesterday................ish.

    I held in the lappy at 11.30 and the doctor told me to come back at 3.30.
    So I went to the bookies picked my horses and put them on then went to The Ettick and had a couple of pints.

    There were a couple of guys I knew one of whom I don't like, he is a nutter.So I didn't join them but I listened to the conversation which wasn't hard as the nutters voice is that loud I could have heard it in the bookies.

    Anyway the convesaion was that the normal guy asked the nuttter how he was keeping. The nutter said he would be OK if it wasn't for his doctor, ''I went to see him because my dobber as sore when I went for a pee and he told me I had cancer of the baws.Then the next time I went he told me my heart was fucked'' ''he is a wanker''

    I can just imagine it.........Well Mr Nutter I have been a doctor for thirty years, five years in the University five in the Western Infirmary and twenty years as a GP and it it is with deep regret that I hae to tel you that in my opinion your have cancer of the baws and your heart is clinically fucked. ''Fuck off ya wanker''

    Somehow I don't see it quite happening like that.

    So after that I went to the Hayburn with my ears ringing I had a couple of pints and watched the racing I had three winners which threw me £125 so that was the lappy sorted.I picked up the lappy had a couple of pints themn home.

    The trouble begins.

    I plug in the lappy windows came up pretty quick.................good as it was very slow. then I clicked on connect to wireless
    connection. Enter Network Key, oh fuuuuuuuuuuuck I never used it it was a saved password and it has been wiped.
    Can you imagine it half pissed no password the air was blue I was worse than the nutter, nae connection........... it was the doctors fault.

    Anyway I cooled down (a bit) and tried to get in to a dial up situation. Simple you may say but not when you are angry and bevied.
    Pull that out put that in run this run that eventually I get the sound that I'm after Houston we have connection.

    I'm still tying to get the router to work anyone any ideas its a Thomson st585 I think I have it back to the factory settings

  • The Lappy Doctors

    Well I'll not be on here to day I have got to take the lappy for it's annual check up. It's been slowing up and I'm not technically gifted with computers so there are two guys who run a lappy surgery in Partick that I have a pint with now and again, I take it in this morning and pick it up to night. Twenty quid sounds fair to me.

  • Only in Scotland

    I read in the paper last week that a Rangers supporter had a parrot and he taught it to sing Rangers and Orange songs, The Sash and Derry's Walls. In the recent good weather he put the parrot out I his garden where it whistled away for all it was worth to everyone's amusement apart from the next door neighbour who was a Celtic supporter and a catholic.
    He complained to the council who in turn barred the parrot from singing in the garden.
    Oh and it was a blue parrot not a green one.

  • A Wee Funny

    Willy and Jeanie decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten year old son in the house was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the things going on in the street.

    The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed along the road," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few minutes passed.

    "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out, "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."

    Mum and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" The startled father asked.

    "Wee Harry is standing out on the balcony too,"

  • Boozing Explained

    A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

  • Drink

    “24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."

    When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, We fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
    When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all Get drunk and go to heaven!"

    "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

  • Things That Annoy Me

    People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pae, where the feck is yours? Do I point at my balls when I ask where the bathroom is?

    People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

    When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Piss off. What good is a cake if you can't eat it? What, should I eat someone else's cake instead?

    When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?

    People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did you pal.

    When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

    When people say "Life is short." What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What? Are they going to do something that's longer?

    When people ask "Can I BORROW a piece of paper?" Sure, but please don't return the favour! It's only a bit of paper!

    When you are waiting for the bus and someone ask you "Did the bus come yet?" If the bus came I would not be standing here ya muppet!

  • Blackpool

    Well I'm back three days now and like a busy upholsterer I'm still recovering.
    I had a great time with my friends from Manchester.We stayed in the Savoy on the north shore it was one of these old Victorian hotels with some great features it had seen better days but at £30 pounds a night full board it was a bit of a bargain.
    We found this pub, Roxy's,what a laugh we had in there it was all seventies and eighties music and Roxy the transvestite DJ was brilliant he done a Shirley Bassey act which was hilarious everyone was dancing and singing It was a really really funny night out. I would recommend it to anyone.

  • Cherrie Blair

    Well well well Cherie Blair has swine flu...........I wonder who gave her it?

  • The Open Championship At Turnberry

    I am just sitting here watching the open on the telly and I noticed some funny remarks being made.

    He has got a twelve incher for a birdie: Lucky him

    You must avoid the big black bush on this hole if you go in there you will never get out.

    It all depends which side of the hump he is lying on, as to how good a view of the hole he gets.

    If he aims six feet to the left the wind from the back will bring it into the hole.

  • Blackpool

    Annie and I are off to Blackpool to morrow to meet up with friends from Manchester, so Annie's arm is going like a fiddlers elbow on the ironing board.
    Me,like all wise men should do I'm keeping out the way.

  • Nulty on The Bookies

    I won £20 in the bookies yesterday so to night I am going to party like its £19.99

  • Nulty on Horserace Commentary

    There was a strange race at Hamilton Park last week

    The commentary went something like this
    And they are off,
    Conscience is left behind at the gate.
    Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
    Heavy Bosom is being pressured.
    Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and Big Dick is in a dangerous spot.

    It's Beer Belly on top, Thighs open and Big Dick is pressed in.
    Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
    Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Beer Belly.
    Beer Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Dick.

    Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.
    Big Dick is making a final drive.
    Beer Belly is in and Passionate Lady is coming.

    AT THE FINISH:

    It's Big Dick giving everything he's got and
    Passionate Lady takes everything Big Dick has to offer.
    It looks like a dead heat but Big Dick comes through with one final thrust and wins by a head...

    Beer Belly is second

    Thighs weakens in third

    Heavy Bosom pulls up and Clean Sheets never had a chance."

  • No Half Measures

    I had a funny conversation with a wee guy I sort of know yesterday. He is a wee bloke I kind of nod to I don't really know him but you could say we are on nodding terms.

    Anyway we were standing together and got talking.I asked him what he worked as he looked me up and down and told me my chest size waist size and inside leg, he was near enough, I said did you work in a gents out fitters........''near enough I worked in Burtons, I was a tailor, but that ended in the eighties all the suites are ready to wear now'' So I said ''what did you do after that'' ''undertaker, just the same really measuring when they are lying down instead of standing up''

    Well I never ever thought of it like that but I suppose he is right.

  • Nuty on YouGov

    This was a question on a YouGov survey to day list your answers

    Which of the main parties do you most trust with each of the following issues?

    The National Health Service

    Education

    Crime

    The Economy

    Housing

    The Environment

    Pensions

    Taxation

    Immigration

    Defence and Homeland Security

    Relationship with Europe

    Relationship with the rest of the world

  • Nulty on One I heard At The week End

    This guy is sitting reading his Racing Post when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
    What was that for?' he cries

    That was for the piece of paper in your trouser pockets with the name Mary-Rose written on it,' said she.

    Don't be daft,' he explains, 'two weeks ago when I went to the races Mary-Rose was the name of one of the horses I bet on.' She seemed
    Satisfied and apologises, and goes off to do work around the house. Three
    Days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him
    Again with the frying pan, knocking him out cold.
    When he comes around,he says, 'what the hell was that for?'
    'Your horse phoned!' she said

  • I Like Mondays

    It is a nice morning so the plan is to do the windows, cut the grass, have a bath then take my reward.
    Oh and a week quickie.
    What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
    The taste!

    Keep smilin.

  • A Wee Quckie

    I heard this to day it made me smile
    What's the difference between a porcupine and a bus load of MP's
    The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

  • Educational Toy

    In a world that has gone crazy in which five year old kids have mobile phones, are getting their nails done, demand their rights, I have a great idea for an educational toy for young girls.

    A Divorced Barbie Doll, it comes with all of Ken's stuff.

  • Nulty For Trin

    You take the high road and I'll take the low road and I'll be in Ru'glen afore you for me and my sleeping bag will never meet again on the bonnie bonnie banks of Loch Lomond

  • Nulty on Afghanistan

    It makes me sick that the party politic are using the present situation in Afghanistan for political gain.

    If one side are saying that we should withdraw then fine but they are not
    all this is, is a cheap political stunt by idiots who's only experience of war is playing at battleships and cruisers.

    It is time for the real question to be asked.......Can we afford Trident's replacement. If the decision is we can, then and only then should have the debate of if we should have it or not.

  • Nulty on Big Ben's Birthday

    LONDON (AP) — Britain's Big Ben is marking its 150th birthday with a celebration in London on Saturday.

    The booming bell first pealed on July 11, 1859 — a few weeks after the clock in the famous tower above the Houses of Parliament began keeping time.
    Me and Les at Parliament 003

    A projection wishing the bell a happy birthday will be broadcast on the south side of the 315-foot (96-meter) tower at about 10 p.m. (2100 GMT; 5 p.m. EDT).

    Mike McCann, the keeper of the Great Clock, says Big Ben stands as a magnificent example of engineering — and is much-loved.

    Big Ben's bongs are a cherished feature of life in London. They mark the hour and are carried globally by the BBC.

    The event is one of several honouring the 150th anniversary of the British landmark.

  • Nulty on In Comparison

    I don't really buy into this animals are better than us thing but it is thought provoking!

    I think I could turn and live with animals, they are so placid
    and self-contained,
    I stand and look at them long and long.
    They do not sweat and whine about their condition,
    They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins,
    They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God,
    Not one is dissatisfied, not one is demented with the mania
    of owning things,
    Not one kneels to another, nor to his kind that lived thousands
    of years ago,
    Not one is respectable or unhappy over the whole earth.

    Walt Whitman

  • Saturday Morning Joke

    A wee boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in t he school play.

    'Wonderful. Whit part is it?' she asks
    The boy says, ' I play the part of the British husband ' .
    The mother scowls and says,
    'Go back an' tell that teacher you want a speaking part!

  • Oh My Toebone Muskie

    I just stubbed ma toe on the bathroom door ah ya bastaaaaaaaaaaaa funny how that's what I shout all the time when I get hurt or when i used to get a shock but the shock was more shoogilie it was a kind of ahahahyaaabaaaaaastaaaaaafuuuuuuuuuuuuuucnhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeell but at least I'm here writting about it.

    What do you shout?

  • Nulty on Oh Shit

    I remember years ago I was in hospital for an operation i was about twenty odd and full of my own importance ''was nil by mouth'' and as if that wasn't bad enough the nurse came up to the bed and said I have these suppositaries for you I said ''you can stick tham up your arse'' she said ''one of us will and it won't be me''

  • The Fourth Plinth

    Should I have been selected to have a talk on the fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square this would have been it.

    The topic is the formation of groups of bosses.

    When the gaggle forms it is normally in a circle. All know their position in the circle it decreases in salary from right to left which is a tricky position for the lowest ranking, the temptation to speak out of turn to his highheid neighbour on his left is compelling and more often than not he will develop a facial tick cause by biting his lip to keep his lowly paid corporate gub shut.

    The highheidyin will be easy to spot,all eyes and smiling faces will be focused on him heads nod when he speaks, laughter will be heard when he cracks a funny.

    The highheidyin will stand on his toes then rest on his heels he will repeat this motion during the gathering others will follow this action in turn, generally from right to left.To the trained eye it views like o Mexican wave for corporate goof balls.

    When the highheidyin scratches his arse he looks at his watch which is on the other hand.The rest will follow. This is done at the same time as the goofball wave and the faces are forcing a smile it gives the appearance of something very sore being removed from the corporate shiter.

    On the signal of break up from the highheidyin the circle turns into a guard of honour for the highheidyin with the lowest paid fanning out followed his neighbours to his right the synchronisation on this is like something from Moulin Rouge, as the lowly salaried person ends precisely at the point to open the door for the highheidyin and the rest of the rungs on the corporate ladder.

    A sight for sore eyes a national treasure.

    What would you do on the plinth.

  • 118800 mobile phone directory, opt out now if you want to be ex-directory

    By MoneyhighStreet

    The new 118800 mobile phone directory goes live next week with around 15 million of the UK’s mobile phone numbers listed - you can opt out now if you want to be ex-directory.

    118800 mobile phone directory The new 118800 service will allow people to find the mobile phone numbers of anyone included within the database.

    You basically give the details of who you want to contact.

    If they find them then they will text them with your details.

    You will be charged £1 if 118800 succeed.

    The database currently has about 25% of mobile phone numbers in it, collated from the likes of market research companies and online business where people have ticked boxes to allow communication.

    The inclusion of your mobile number in this database may not be what you want - if you don’t you can opt out and become ex-directory.

    You can unsubscribe easily enough, either

    * text ‘E’ to 118800 from the mobile phone you want to be made ex-directory or
    * visit the 118800 website and click on the Ex-Directory tab at the top.

    Your choice at the end of the day, stay ‘opted in’ or ‘opt out’.

  • Nulty on I Nose Where I'm Going

    I was out and about yesterday, no plans, I just said to myself just follow your nose. As I meandered along Dumbarton Road I found it quite funny that my nose seemed to go where it would go if I was in charge...........it was as though I was in auto, pilot you would never guess where I ended up.

    I will give you a clue.............. I have got a sore heid!

  • Only In America

    In fear of possibly disturbing the perfection that is his house, Donald Manison has been forced to live in his 1998 Dodge Caravan. I became obsessive, everything in the house was so photo-perfect that I was eventually scared of walking on the carpet in fear that I might disturb the direction of the carpet threads. Magazines wanting a glimpse and photos of the perfect house were limited to viewing through opened ground floor windows. When asked how long he will continue his present lifestyle he replied, If living in my mini-van is payment for a perfect house, I'm willing to pay.

  • Hanky Panky

    I was board out of my head and for some reason I got to thinking of the fifties style holidays to the seaside.The picture I got was the moustached man trousers rolled up, sitting on the deck chair with the hankie, Knots tied at the four corners, on the baldy heid.
    comic image,
    So after pissing about on tit tinternet it turns out that this was probably the original use for the hanky.

    A kerchief (from the French couvre-chef, "cover the head") is a triangular or square piece of cloth tied around the head or around the neck for protective or decorative purposes. The popularity of head kerchiefs may vary by culture or religion, as among Amish women, Orthodox Jewish women, Muslim women, and older Slavic women.

    From which we get "handkerchief" or "hanky" primarily refers to a napkin made of cloth, used to dab away perspiration, clear the nostrils, From the Kerchief we also get Bandannas.
    Bandannas are worn as a practical garment by certain bloggers with pirate aspirations.

    The stange thing about it is it was originally a feminine thing...oh I can just see it a Royal Ascot on Ladies Day ''I wonder what colour the Queens knotted hanky will be'' Na, I don't think so!

  • Twins

    A Glasgow woman had surrogate twins. One of them went to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other went to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mum in Glasgow. That night she tells her husband that she wishes she had a picture of the other child. Her man who was just in from the pub said ''for fuck sake Mary if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

  • Nultygoestopartick Doing Riverdance

  • Your Looking Swell Dolly

    I bumped my knee on Friday, No I wasn't, well a couple of pints. Anyway on Sunday morning my knee was like a balloon and to day it is almost back to normal.
    What I was wondering was where does the swelling go it go after the fairy taps it with her wond? It is not as though I have a wee willy on my ankle where it drains off or a wee lady between my toes. I have an awful feeling it lodges in a man's belly and a woman's arse.

    Oh and while I'm at it when I was wee if I bumped my head my mum put a penny on it held on with a hanky and the pain went away what is the present day equivalent.

  • Puff The Magic Dragger

    It seems that smokers are now fitter than non smokers. The exercise they get walking outside for a puff is good for the heart and the fresh air is good for the lungs. Now if they just took a wee bit of fruit each time they walked out the door.............

  • Smoke gets in your eyes

    Sunday is the anniversary of my stopping smoking. It was a hard couple of months then a doddle. One of the many tips I was given was to get a new hobby to do when I would normally have a puff......jigsaws were recommended so I decided to take this up.
    You can imagine the look on Annie's face that Saturday morning when after making love I balanced the jigsaw on her arse.

  • Nulty on Why

    Why, Why, Why,

    Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?

    Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?

    Why does someone
    believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?

  • Tuesday Morning Joke

    There was this guy who's told his workmate that his missus had a tattoo of a shellfish on the inside of her thigh.
    His mate said''when you put your ear to it can you hear the sea'' he said ''no but I can smell it''

  • The Walk

    The Orange Walk was on in Glasgow on Saturday for those of you who don't know The Walk is an annual procession that takes place on the Saturday two weeks before the big Walk in Belfast.

    It is basically an anti catholic demonstration that takes place all over the city to one of the city parks and is followed by drink filled nut cases.
    No surprise then that there is normally trouble all over the city when they meander back to from where they came.

    Yesterday a friend of mine who was at the Eagles concert at Hampden Park told me that on his way home from the concert he was challenged by a group of drunken anti catholic protesters '' your a fucken priest, ah know you your on the telly ya fenian bastard''

    My mate plays the part of a priest in a Scottish soap, had to start plying his trade rather smartly, in his best Northern Irish accent ''no not me pal I'm the same as your self, just over from Belfast for the Walk'' after shaking hands with his new best friend he made his way home.

  • Nulty on Question Time

    If The Prime Minister had question time on here, what would you ask him?
    The question I would ask him is, do you have a lucky number?

    The second question would be why don't you use it?

  • The Buzz

    I heard this the other day and loved it.

    The economy is that bad that women have started marrying for love again.

  • Nulty On Kids Play...... Re Palmy's Post

    When I was young during the summer holidays we would be out playing all the time and if we done something bad we were kept in.
    Nowadays they are sent out to play when they are bad.(Nulty shakes his heid)

  • The First Football International

    hammy

    The first international football match match was played in Scotland on a cricket ground. at Hamilton Crescent, the West of Scotland Cricket Ground in Partick, Glasgow.

    Prior to the first official meeting, there had been several unofficial international matches played between the countries at the behest of the English Football Association. Such was their enthusiasm for these fixtures they arranged the venue, the officials, the selection of the English side and, incredibly, the selection of the Scottish side. For these matches, the "Scotland" team was assembled from players in and around London who had Scottish connections.

    In 1872 League Championships had yet to begin in either country. The FA Cup tournament had completed its inaugural running in England and the Scottish competition would start the following year. For the match on 30 November 1872, St Andrew's Day, the Scotland players were all selected from Queen's Park, the leading Scottish Club of its day. This was not the original intention but the Scots were unable to obtain the services of two countrymen who had competed in the FA Cup final. Arthur F Kinnaird of the Wanderers and Lt Henry Waugh Renny-Tailyour of the Royal Engineers would have to wait until 1873 to play for their country.

    While Scotland was eventually represented by eleven men drawn from the Queen's Park club, England played the match with players from nine different sources selected by Charles Alcock the English Football Association Secretary and captain of the FA Cup winning Wanderers. Alcock, who was the driving force behind the unofficial matches, was unable to play in the first official meeting due to injury but he participated by running the line.

    Three England players came from Oxford University but only Reginald Welch played from the successful Wanderers side. Scotland wore dark blue shirts, the then colour of Queen's Park, with a single lion crest badge attached. England, in white, had the badge of the three lions on their shirts.

    The crowd who gathered to watch the match numbered 4,000 and they paid an entry fee of a shilling, the same price charged by the English Football Association for the first FA Cup final. They endured a twenty-minute delay to the scheduled 2pm kick-off but then settled to watch the contest in the relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere that would accompany the fixture for over one hundred years before the wrong shade of partisan behaviour started to creep in during the 1970s.

    The atmosphere worked its way onto the pitch and the game was conducted in a friendly manner (the introduction of shin pads to the game was still two years away) and there were few contentious decisions for the Scottish referee to make.

    On a pitch that was heavy due to the rain that had watered Glasgow over the previous three days, the smaller and lighter Scottish side pushed their English counterparts hard. The advantage that the Scots had with their team being drawn from Queen's Park was negated by the way that the English team came together, dispelling fears that their unfamiliarity of playing alongside each other would be an issue.

    The crowd, whilst witnessing the first official meeting between the countries, were denied the pleasure of the first goal. That would come the following year at the Oval when England enjoyed a 4-2 victory over the travelling Scots. The next time that Scotland and England would meet without generating a goal was 1970 at Hampden Park.

    The Scottish captain, Bob Gardner, who would play a further four times against England and lose only once, had been responsible for team selection. The future Scottish Football Association president had that year made the switch from forward to goalkeeper. He kept goal for his country for the whole match unlike his English counterpart, Robert Barker, who decided to join the action outfield when he switched with William Maynard.

    In an age when playing with six or seven forward players was normal, the team selection of Bob Gardner almost paid off as Scotland came closest to victory. In the final stages of the match Robert Leckie sent in a shot that landed on top of the tape that was strung between the two posts to represent the crossbar. It was as near as either side would come and the match yielded no goals but it was the start of a rivalry that continues to generate passion when the countries meet.

    Scotland: Bob Gardner, William Ker, Joseph Taylor, James Thompson, James Smith, Robert Smith, Robert Leckie, Alexander Rhind, William Muir MacKinnon, Jamie Weir, David Wotherspoon (all Queen's Park)

    England: Robert Barker (Hertfordshire Rangers), Ernest Greenhalgh (Notts County), Reginald Welch (Wanderers), Frederick Chappell (Oxford University), William John Maynard (1st Surrey Rifles), John Brockbank (Cambridge University), Charles Clegg (Sheffield Wednesday), Arnold Kirke Smith (Oxford University), Cuthbert Ottaway (Oxford University/Old Etonians), Charles John Chenery (Crystal Palace), Charles John Morice (Barnes

    There is a nice wee bar at the bottom of the road, Stumps.....ask for NULTY

  • Nulty on Only An Excuse

    I was late for work and the gaffer was raging. He asked me why I was late
    I don't know why or where it came from but i told him i was running for a bus and a dog chased me bit the arse out my trousers so I had to go back and change them.

    Well he started giggling and he couldn't stop he said I'm never asking you for an excuse again.

    What is the best excuse you have made up?

  • Nulty on Questions

    God said, 'Adam, I Want you to do Something for Me.'

    Adam said, 'Gladly, Lord, what do You Want me to do?'

    God said, 'Go down Into that valley.'Adam said, 'What's a Valley?'

    God explained it to Him. Then God said,'Cross the river.'

    Adam said, 'What's a River?'God explained that To him, and then said,
    'Go over to the hill....' Adam said, 'What is a Hill?'

    So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, 'On The other side of the Hill you will find a Cave.'

    Adam said, 'What's a Cave?'After God explained,He said, 'In the cave
    You will find a woman.'

    Adam said, 'What's a Woman?'So God explained That to him, too.

    Then, God said, 'I Want you to Reproduce.'Adam said, 'How do I do that?'

    God said ''oh for feck sake''

    And then, just like Everything else, God Explained that to Adam, as well.

    So, Adam goes down Into the valley, Across the river, and over the hill, into the Cave, and finds the woman.

    Then, in about five minutes, he was back.God's patience wearing thin, said angrily, 'What is it Now? Adam said....

    'What's a headache?

  • Nulty on A Good Day

    I was out and about yesterday I had a ball.
    I put a fiver on a horse it won at 8/! then I had a tenner on a 17/2 it won, then a fiver a 15/2 then a tenner at7/2 then score at 13/8 and a tenner double on the last two £300 quid, not a bad days work.
    I came home pissed and gave Annie half, so I'm not that bad. No bouncey, bouncey though!

  • Nulty on What Makes A Good Friend

    What makes a good friend?........ if I'm honest, necessity mostly we make friends because we like to at work in the pub on here...............but if your lucky and I have been, someone who is smilar in thought, word and charachter. In that way we don't expect anything we wouldn't do our selves and niether do they.

    What do you think?

  • Super Kilty

    I am Super Kilt the Scottish super hero who landed on Loch Lomond from the planet Blog.
    If you look up my kilt and catch me wearing ballhiders you will be granted three wishes.

    What your whishes be?

  • Nulty on Weird

    Some people think I'm weird but I can tell peoples fortunes by reading their swimming pools.
    The leaves leave patterns that I can read.
    What is weird about you or someone you know?

  • Nick Nick

    I once nicked an answer phone from work, it was an old one I was fitting the new one's in the offices.
    When I got the phone home and tried it out the message was, ''this is the department of Crematoria and Cemeteries please leave your name and the name of the deceased after the pips ''Annie and I were in kinks.
    Out of the thirty or forty answer phones I picked that one.

    Gladys Knight is the only person to put her name before the Pips.

    What have you nicked.

  • Job Done But I was In A Bad Mood

    I'm fair feched,a new telly cabinet, well glass come metally thingmybob.
    Now how one person is supposed to be able to build this fechan thing on their tod is beyond me.
    I'm a tradesman a fairly good tradesman at that but It would have cost me a lot of money in the swear box had we had one.

    so when Annie came in it was ''hold that there'' naw not there, there, aye that's it give me that naw no that wan that wan, the fechen round wan fur fech sake.
    Anyway it's up and the old one is down and off to the charity shop.

    So now it's a bath and a couple of beers.

Footer:

The content of this website belongs to a private person, blog.co.uk is not responsible for the content of this website.